on a journey

Today begins a time of what is known in the christian calendar, as Lent.
Today I begin a journey, loosely based around the meaning of lent for me.

Waking at a ridiculously early time, this morning, with a feeling of inner sadness. Looking at Venus outside in the night sky, wondering about God and where I fit in. Something that happened yesterday, triggered this inner sadness and dammit, I will not allow myself to fall back into a place of relying on others to bring me to happiness.

Only I can make me happy. Only I can make myself complete. But I must have a relationship with God. Whatever God is to me. Wherever I find peace, calm and contentment. Wherever the silence is. Within. Yes, within. in the silence.

So I begin this journey on Ash Wednesday. A journey to my inner self. To my God. Through contemplation. Through herbs. 'Giving up' sugar. Being mindful of what I eat.

I was going to run off to church and do the whole Ash Wednesday thing but This, [for me], isn't about the Christian thing, because I don't believe I am a Christian. It's about healing me spiritually. Arriving at a place of peace and calm. A place of silence. And being comfortable with that.

So today, I will go sit with trees. And contemplate. I will find solace in the wind, find peace near the water and comfort from rocks. I may burn a few gum leaves and do some kind of ritual of commitment to this journey. I don't know. following my intuition.