tears and rain

November 4
"driving yesterday, through the winding road to Kangaroo Valley, majestic trees lining each side of the road, magnificent trunks, silver, glistening in the drizzle. Leaves heavy with the rain. Mist enveloping each one as if in a veil. I knew them, they knew me. I could feel myself relax. Sighing with relief, letting go."
"the rain outside today is actually comforting. Early morning, birds still call and frogs are chirping somewhere in my garden"
"I miss the mountains mist, the mystery it evokes. The smell of the rain, damp on the rotting eucalypt leaves thick on the ground. I miss the spirituality of the mountains, different to anywhere else that I have been. It almost wraps itself around you, seeping into your soul. A part of you, forever. My heart longing to be back there. And I will be, I must learn patience"

November 5
"it's raining again and it is making me agitated. I never felt this way about rain before all the leaks in this house. Rain seems to put me on edge now and I feel as if I want to escape, run away. Like a pacing animal trapped behind bars in a cage.
I hope the feelings eventually change back to how I was in the mountains, the rain almost caressed my soul, nurtured and comforted me. Of course, there were times when days and days of rain annoyed me but there was never a feeling of panic.
The mountains drizzle, the wood fires and cosiness of the mountains. The nostalgia of the mountains and the feelings they evoked, of times past.

My heart and soul ache for that. The pain at times is almost unbearable. I know that I am going back but it seems to be far off in the distant future. Panic surges through my body, like a wild wave. I can feel adrenalin pumping, my body tingles and I burst into tears, sobbing.

I never expected to miss the mountains so deeply but they have captured my soul and it took moving away to realize that.
It took moving away to realize what we did have. But we also realize that if we had not moved to the seaside, we would always wonder .... some never move, staying safe. We've done it. We did take a chance, a leap. We took a chance.

Our little cottage awaits us in the mountains and I will soon be home"