a mountain goat and a mermaid

how does a mountains girl find herself living by the ocean, a landscape foreign to her soul [in this lifetime anyhow].
but that's what happened.

One year ago, I woke up and decided to sell our home in the mountains and move to live by the sea [this was of course, after much talking with Joe].. The coast attracted me because in a way, it reminded me of Cornwall. The sheer cliffs, the pounding waves and, as it turned out, the rain, the constant rain was here too.
so we packed our goods and chattels and moved. Against the advice of many well intentioned 'others'.

It was wonderful for a time, almost like a holiday. The sun shone when it needed, the water beckoned. Everything played as it was expected to play. I played in the ocean, I collected shells and I sat by the lake in the early mornings.
but over the months, as we renovated our  home, cracks began to appear. Beginning with the leaking windows and then downhill most of the way. I tried to give our home a name, but it would not gel.  I felt at times as if the house was attacking my sanity. I tried to patch those cracks up, but the more I patched, the more holes appeared. The wound kept oozing and I think I gave up. But I also realized that I was homesick

[fast forward to September 2015..]
and the trickle of a thought about moving again began to make itself known to me.

I tried to ignore the inner prompting but was finding that not a day was going past that I did cry. Sometimes silent tears, other times, heart wrenching sobs. I began to wonder if I needed medicating. I was in a state of panic, like a frightened deer, wanting to run but not knowing where. At times, I questioned my sanity. I was [and still am, at times] in a dark place. 
I find it hard to admit that maybe we did make a mistake in moving, although really, in life there are no mistakes. It was an adventure, a long holiday, a learning. A time of transition.

I didn't know that I would fret for the mountains so much. I just knew that I had to get out, escape almost. From the past [but you cannot escape the past. You must stop running, turn around, face it and let go]
And now I know why I had to move.  Because in leaving the mountains, I discovered where my soul home is, in this life. It is back in the mountains.
This grief that I am experiencing, is exactly the same as the grief that I felt when I was in Cornwall, [homesickness]. As much as I loved being in Cornwall, as much as I have deep soul connections to the place, I missed home. And that is how I am here by the ocean, its beautiful, but it isn't home.

Today, I had some Bach Flower remedies made up for homesickness, to help me in the time of transition. The practitioner tuned into me and saw the mountains - which was very strange because she doesn't know me at all and I hadn't told her a thing. She told me not to move back to the old area [I believe she meant Katoomba], but that there is another place for me there, its coming. I knew the house is coming, because I have seen whisps of it in my vision.

I have always wished I was able to live in Cornwall. And I manifested that - in the weather, [the constant rain].. the lush green fields, narrow roads hedged with brambles and trees, homes close to the edge of the road, having to drive miles to get to any major towns.. yes, in more ways than one, I have manifested Cornwall.

And the last thing I want to do, is go back to the mountains, thinking we've made a mistake, because we haven't. This year, has given me a chance to stand back, looking in. To see what we did have and to see what we didn't. I was dreadfully lonely in the mountains. But I had the all important cafes and restaurants. Joe had his bike friends that he rode with every Wednesday and his golf mates. I had the candle shop and the co-op.

And I can be proud of myself in leaving. It takes courage to walk away from the familiar, staying safe. Some people never take a chance and jump. But jump we did. Yes, we jumped, we experienced a different life and now, we are choosing to jump again.

 and, we stand at the beginning of new journey..... I plan on taking this time of waiting, to rid my life of stuff and to get myself healthier and fitter and to enjoy the ocean. that's the plan.

"there are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths." - Mark Nepo